Unstable Chemicals
by Seadragon68
Summary: Carl experiments with new chemicals and gets some unexpected results. Van Helsing is the unsuspecting recipient of Carl's work. Slash but done with humor


**_This was written as part of a challenge put out to the Gabriel's Lust list. Challenge was that Carl - self proclaimed genius with access to unstable chemicals - had to make a mistake while working with them. The result had to be comical, not angst and no body parts could be melted down or otherwise damaged :)_**

Carl had recently received a new batch of chemicals and was very excited about trying them out. He was convinced that he could create a mix that could be used to pacify rampaging beasts, perhaps even put them to sleep. In light of some of the things that Van Helsing had to face out in the field, putting them down before they had the chance to take a chunk out of the Hunter would vastly improve his success rate (and cut down on his time in the hospital wing)

It was late at night and the other monks had long since deserted the lab. Carl preferred working at this time as it meant he didn't get any of the annoying interruptions that happened during the day. He knew the others were jealous of his genius and he thought that they interrupted him in the hopes of distracting him and causing him to forget what he was doing. Not that it ever worked of course but it did slow him down a bit.

He smiled as he mixed the first two chemicals together. These ones he knew and had worked with more then a few times. They were safe and known and the results of blending them was predictable. He waited for the mix to become complete settled and then picked up the next vial. This was a new chemical that was coming to them out of the mountains of Russia and very little was known about it. However, Carl's research led him to believe that if mixed in the right combination, it would form the basis of a very powerful tranquilizer. Throwing caution to the wind, he poured a hefty amount in and watched the results. The mix bubbled and spit rather energetically and Carl raised an eyebrow in surprise. He hadn't expected that to happen. Still, it settled down almost at once so he shrugged and moved on to the next part of the experiment.

This chemical had been extracted from some rare plants found only in the wild jungles of the Amazon. He was particularly excited to get his hands on this as everything he had read about it said that the natives used it extensively with patients who were ailing. Surely they would only use it if it had some kind of sedative effect, right?

This time the mix bubbled and hissed a bit louder and for a longer period of time. Still, Carl was undaunted and he reached for the beaker that contained the final chemical. This one came from China and he really didn't know all that much about it other then the Chinese had been using it for years. Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Carl poured the last chemical into the mix and this time a giant cloud of pink gas rose from the container and enveloped Carl. He coughed and flailed his arms about but it was no use. The cloud had filled the lab and Carl was forced to breath a great deal of it in. He leaned against the table, as he felt momentarily light-headed. The light-headedness passed however and in its wake Carl felt somewhat strange. He couldn't put his finger on what it was, only that his robes suddenly felt far too hot and confining.

He pulled off his robes so that he was left only with in his soft linen shirt and trousers. This helped but he still felt rather strange. He decided that the best thing to do was to approach this scientifically. He grabbed a pen and some paper and began to make observations.

Observation #1 – Though the gas cloud produced was very thick, it quickly dissipated.

Observation #2 – While I feel strange, it's clear that the gas wasn't poisonous. In fact, I'm really feeling quite good.

Carl found he had a strange urge to giggle and quickly stifled it. Giggling was NOT good scientific behavior! He frowned down at the paper and tried to figure out what to write next. Suddenly a song popped into his head and he began to sing loudly to himself.

Van Helsing had just come back from a minor mission and, seeing a light in the lab, thought he'd stop in and say hi to Carl. However, he froze in surprise when he heard Carl's voice wafting out to him. He was warbling a rather naughty song about a minister and a widow woman that Carl shouldn't even know let alone sing!

It was a crash that shook Van Helsing out of his shock and made him run into the lab. The sight that met his eyes left him stunned. Carl was apparently trying to act out the song to the detriment of some lab equipment. Even more shocking was Carl was wearing nothing but a thin cotton shirt and linen pants that were a bit too shear to be worn out in public. What the hell was going on here?

Van Helsing strode over to Carl and grabbed him by the arm. Startled, Carl broke off in mid-verse and then giggled when he saw who it was.

"Van Helsing. What a lovely surprise! I was just doing bit of singing. Do you know the song about the Minister and the Widow Carlson?" He smiled sweetly at Van Helsing and immediately began to sing again.

Van Helsing sighed and said "Carl, could you please stop singing?"

Carl stopped but began to pout instead. "You don't like my singing do you? You think I have a terrible voice don't you?" Carl pulled away from Van Helsing and sat down on the bench to sulk.

Van Helsing was stumped as to what was going on. For all intents and purposes, Carl was acting drunk but he knew that Carl would never drink while he was working. He looked at the worktable hoping to get a clue as to what was going on. Seeing empty beakers and vials, he guessed that Carl must have been experimenting with chemicals again but as for what purpose, he couldn't tell.

He was trying to read the notes Carl had been writing when he found himself distracted by a hand running up and down his back. He looked over his shoulder to see Carl standing directly behind him, looking at him with a dreamy expression on his face. He cleared his throat and said "Ah, Carl – what are you doing?"

Carl smiled at him and said "You have the most amazing back. So firm and smooth. It really feels amazing." He continued to caress Van Helsing's back until Van Helsing turned and grabbed Carl's hands.

Carl heaved a frustrated sigh and returned to pouting. Van Helsing shook his head and said "What has gotten into you? You never act like this"

Carl's pout grew more pronounced and he tried to tug his hands away. "You are being very mean, Van Helsing. Just because I was admiring your backside." Carl looked down at Van Helsing's chest and the dreamy look came back. The hands suddenly stopped trying to tug away and tried to move forward instead. "Not that your front isn't equally worthy of admiration…"

Van Helsing suddenly found it hard to breath as a very cuddly Carl was attempting to snuggle up to his chest. He began to wish that he didn't have the table behind him as it left him nowhere to retreat. He tried to hold Carl back but found that despite his rather dreamy expression, that Carl was actually quite determined. He drew in a sharp breath as Carl managed to nuzzle against his throat with a happy sound. Suddenly the room was feeling far to hot as Carl continued to rub up against him, a stream of happy murmurs and sighs coming from his lips.

Van Helsing made one last attempt at controlling the situation. He grabbed both of Carl's wandering hands and put them behind Carl's back. While this moved them out of reach of Van Helsing's body, it meant that Carl was now snugly held against him. This clearly worked for Carl as he let out a happy coo and proceeded to nuzzle Van Helsing's neck and nibble on his ear.

Realizing he had made a tactical mistake, he released Carl's hands but this only led to them being wound firmly around his neck. By now his breathing was coming in gasps and his body was responding quite enthusiastically to Carl's attentions. He opened his mouth to speak but was silenced when Carl's mouth descended on his. Control crumbled and Van Helsing grabbed Carl's hips to hold him even more tightly against him. The kiss grew hotter and more passionate as both men surrendered to desire that had been simmering in them for some time.

Hands roamed and clothes were shed as both men became driven to touch and be touched. Beakers and vials went flying as the table was swept clear so it could put it to far better use. Moans and cries filled the lab until finally with a particularly loud shout, silence fell once more over the lab.

They lay on the table for a while until Carl, struggling slightly, sat up. He looked around out the trashed lab and said "Well, it would appear that far from having a sophoric effect, this mixture, is, in fact quite stimulating. I'll have to adjust the ratios…"

Van Helsing looked at Carl and possibly motivated by survival instinct pulled him back down and said "If you are looking get sleepy, I've got a much better way to achieve it"


End file.
